She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
