last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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