made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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