The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
