Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize