No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
