So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
