I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They took my balls.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Randomize
