apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
