Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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