You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
