I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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