According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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