I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
