tell your sister to shave her snatch
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
