I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
