Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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