Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
