It was confusing and full of hummus
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
