Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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