My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
