Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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