I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
