Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
