Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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