When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just gift wrapped bread.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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