i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
