Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
