On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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