She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
