If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
