My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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