why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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