I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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