its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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