if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
