Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
