the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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