I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
