but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
