I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize