You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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