Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
