i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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