so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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