i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
