have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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