trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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