I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
