Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
