1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
