you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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