I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
