Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
