He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
