thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
