Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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