i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't believe i had my finger in that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize