More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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