I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
