forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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