TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
