the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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