I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
