i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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